"The choices I made between mission, marriage and motherhood...”

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Hey everyone, welcome to the Nonprofit Diaries. Here we share the stories that don't make the newsletter. I'm your host, Kimberly Bottom, and this week's guest is doing what I will bet so many of you listeners are doing right now, which is balancing your professional passions and your career with your life outside of work and trying to be present for those who matter to you. So Michelle is a military spouse, a mother of three, and a co-founder and executive director of Operation Honor Rural Salute, which is an organization connecting rural veterans with resources and community. So you might actually remember Stephen Nisbet from a previous nonprofit diaries episode. He is the one who introduced me to Michelle as someone with a really compelling story to tell. And I'm so glad that he did because from our first prep call, Michelle struck me as warm and real, but also savvy and no nonsense, which is what you want somebody to have when they are running a nonprofit, someone who definitely knows how to get things done. So I'm so pleased to introduce Michelle Lang. Michelle, thank you for coming on our podcast. Yeah, thanks for having me. This is fun. I'm really excited for everyone to hear your story because I really feel like the work-life balance conundrum in nonprofits right now is so real for everybody, whether they're raising a family, whether they're trying trying to keep their own head above water. So, first and foremost, let's just dive into your background a bit. Why did you see the need to start your nonprofit?

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Well, I'm from rural America. I'm from rural Pennsylvania. And when my husband and I moved back there the first time when he got out of the military, that's when our eyes were open to like there is this very passionate group of citizens that often live in rural America that love America, that love their veterans. Um, but it's a very disconnected community and there is no ecosystem there. And our family was part of that. And then from there, my husband got back in the military and it really made me dig around and look, is this just us? Has this been happening to other people? And it it really is this issue in small towns in rural America. Um, but being here in Fort Bragg, we have so many great resources and we do have a good ecosystem here. I thought we we have to be able to do something like this and do better for our rural communities. Um, and so we we did.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Amazing. And you had mentioned that when you had made the decision to start this nonprofit nonprofit, you got another life-changing thing going on, right? Is that when you realized that you were going to have a baby? With my third, right?

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yes. Yeah, all of my kids are about two years apart, and so sh like right before we well, actually we put in the paperwork for um, you know, our 501c3, and I was like, oh, I'm well, I'm pregnant again. So um this is going to be quite an adventure, and it has been.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Yeah. Well, you had mentioned to me that the the nonprofit has actually probably had even more success than you planned for because you're very busy, right? So um tell us first of all, like going through the motions to set up the nonprofit, but also just as it continues on, how do you find that balance? Is there I'm sure there's not a secret, but like how do you uh you know, as Michelle find balance between helping people outside of your own family and then being present for your family in your home?

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Mm-hmm. I think I'm a really reflective person. And so I do, you know, whenever you're a mom, you're the human taxi. You are always in the car. You are always fitting things into the cracks of your day. And I first had to spend a lot of time, honestly, making the choice to go to therapy and to talk to other people about this and to be in community with people that are also working on themselves. Um and naturally I'm a curious person. And I started to get curious about myself. What is my tone like with my kids? Oh, I I realize that whenever my workload is really heavy, which it is, whenever you're a founder and you're doing everything social media, banking, you know, marketing, everything. Um, your workload is very, very heavy. But as a mom, your workload never, you never get to put that down. Especially if you are a military spouse, your husband's away training a lot. Um, so I had a lot of time to reflect in the car when I couldn't have a phone in my hand and how replay these moments. How could I have done that better? How can I restructure my day to be more present for um my family and eventually myself? That that came later, but um I think I should have done that a little flip-flop. Put myself first. But it is hard, I think, as women naturally. We just have the tendency to take care of other people.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Yeah, exactly. And I I love the focus on self-reflection because I feel like a lot of busy professionals, and especially if you're a woman managing a family, you immediately go, What's one external thing I can do to make life easier or help me out, or you know, and you you rarely look inside because you know, that almost seems selfish in a way. I don't know, that seems strange, but the self-reflection, right? You can't always say you can't pour it from an empty cup, uh, but you have to make time for it.

SPEAKER_00 5:47

Mm-hmm. It's humbling too. I think that's there's this misconception that healing and doing the work is for weak people and it's a soft thing to do. Um, but it is one of the most difficult things that if you truly go through the process and and you know, strip those layers away and have to look at yourself and reckon with the poor decisions that you've made in in your life or in your day-to-day interactions with your children or your husband, um, it is very humbling and it is difficult. It's a difficult pill to swallow. Um, but if you get comfortable being uncomfortable, that's where I think the growth happens, whether it's in business or in life, being okay with discomfort in order to grow is important for us as humans.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

I feel like a lot of the people that I'm starting to talk to on this podcast are starting on journeys like that as well. So thank goodness the narrative is starting to flip a bit that it isn't weak to focus on yourself, because if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anybody else. So um, I appreciate you um calling that out as a very successful woman in both family and business. Um, speaking of being a woman in business, when we chatted previously, you kind of mentioned that there were some moments early on where you kind of felt like you didn't belong in the room, right? Or there was that imposter syndrome that was sneaking up on you. Not that it's only women that get that, but it's definitely something that professional women feel, I feel like very often. So how did you overcome that as the executive director of a nonprofit?

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Yeah, I stopped apologizing. Um, first and foremost. Such an easy thing to do. Not easy actually, but yeah, yeah. Listen, there are some meetings where I had to take my kids to them because when I started this, I had um, well, a newborn. I had a two and four-year-old boys. And we didn't put them in daycare because that's expensive. I mean, it's just not the reality for a lot of people working on one income to put your kid in daycare while you make a nonprofit work, right? Um so I had my kids a lot. That really limited me. But then I'm being told you need to get out more, you need to go network more, you need to do do this, this. I'm like, well, I have my kids. And so then that starts building resentment for my family. And then I have to stop and pause and think, like, oh my gosh, but what why am I feeling that way? And how can I reframe these thoughts? Um, because I I think a lot of founders have a tendency to want to, I mean, open up the throttle and go. And so patience is a huge issue for me. I'm still being worked on with patience. But you just all I just always felt behind, and I always felt like I had to apologize for being a mom and I had to apologize for being a young woman that was in spaces where people had decades of experience, and I just had lived experience and I had passion. Um and a lot of times I was the person in the room that had the passion because the decades of experience were their passion down. Um and so when it came down to it, I just had to stop apologizing for who I was and what I was trying to do. And I it allowed me to find the right people to collaborate with.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

I mean, it's not a quick fix, right? You don't snap your fingers and all that goes away and suddenly I can do anything and I have no doubts. But when you start to like um identify it and like recognize it and move through it, you'll find that the people around you are suddenly the people that you really want to be around, right? So, like when you're not trying to please everyone, when you're not feeling like, oh, I have to fit into a box in order to belong in this space, you know, the people that fade away are meant to fade away. So then you end up with a circle of people who believe in you as a human, believe in what you're doing. Do you feel like you've sort of found that now as this leader and mother and wife that you are being today?

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Yes, and I feel like I've gotten really lucky with people who have um reached out and believed in me before I believed in myself and before like I really understood what this organization was going to become and where it could go. I I just I got very lucky. And I do think um what you feel internally is what you display externally, no matter how good at masking you are, you still will attract these certain people. Like if you if and I I don't mean to sound woo-woo, but it is a little bit woo-woo, right? Like um, people don't want to be around miserable people, and people don't want to be around negative people. But if you are who you are and you are have a pure, passionate heart, and you're not afraid to ask for help and say, hey, I really don't know how to solve this problem, people want to help you, people want to problem solve alongside of you. Yeah. Um and that's why I think it was I I'm just very, very fortunate to have the people on my team that I do because I have a wonderful network who I just cherish and think the world of.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

That's you earned that. That's not an accident, right? Like that's something that your, I know it sounds woo-woo, your energy brought those people to you, right? Whether that's manifesting and believing something's gonna happen and therefore it does happen, or if it's just, again, the energy you put out into the world attracts the people that you want in your circle. So for people out there who might be in a situation where they're not feeling supported or they're feeling that imposter syndrome, would you have any either advice or just resources? Like you said, I mean, for me, a resource is therapy, right? Something that once a week I look inside, right? Because other times when I get too busy, I forget. But like, is there anything that has been really a game changer for you that you would recommend to someone else in a similar situation?

SPEAKER_00 12:39

Really, it is just showing up where you can. Like if I early on, I couldn't show up many places physically, but I could show up online. Or, and one of my really great communities that I started out with was an online Zoom meeting of other passionate people around the country who are military connected or military um serving organizations, whatever. And from there, your network just grows because they connect you with people, but it's just a matter of showing up, and not every door you walk through, you're meant to walk through. And so get comfortable with things not going your way. Um, everything, I think I've reframed it as just like everything is an experiment, right? It's I cannot get my feelings hurt by somebody telling me no. I need to figure out why that didn't work, or maybe it wasn't for me, or maybe we're not aligned. And I need to be okay telling people no, because it doesn't align with me and and our mission. Um again, it just goes back to putting yourself out there and being comfortable with being uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

I really appreciate you coming on and sharing your story and telling us, you know, some things that are personal to you, because I realize that this is a public forum, because it really does, I feel like, make people feel less alone in those moments. So just having someone like you who, you know, on the exterior, you're like, oh my gosh, this badass mom and wife and you know, leader of a nonprofit, you still have the things that, you know, all the rest of us have going on in our heads, which is, you know, am I doing it? Am I am I gonna survive? And clearly you are. So I appreciate that vulnerability. I think it's really gonna mean a lot to the people listening. So thank you for being here today. Yeah, thank you for allowing me to share. Of course, of course. Well, this is your weekly reminder, Nonprofit Diaries Family, uh, to hydrate and practice self care and find the people that support you and believe in you, like Michelle did, because finding that community and finding that that circle will take you a long way. So thank you all so much for coming and for listening. We will see you on the next episode.