“The pay raise conversation that cost me my car…”

0:07

Hi everyone. Welcome back to The Nonprofit Diaries, where we share the stories that don't make the newsletter.

0:13

I'm your host, Kimberly Bottom. Our guest this week probably doesn't need an introduction, but I'm going to give her one anyway. If you have heard the term "fractional" in the nonprofit space, you've heard the name Cindy Wagman alongside it.

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Cindy spent nearly 20 years as a fundraising professional who experienced what all too many people in this industry experience: a deep passion for service that led to overcommitment and burnout. But instead of being defeated by it, Cindy changed the game. She founded the Nonprofit Fractionals Network. In her own words, she helps seasoned professionals turn their hard-won experience into fulfilling, flexible consulting roles as fractional executives.

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She is a no-nonsense businesswoman with a big heart and a generous spirit. I love how fiercely she supports women—from the organizations where she's worked to how she shows up in our industry online and in person. Over her tenure in fundraising, y'all, she's got some stories! That's why she's here today. Cindy, welcome and thank you for being on the podcast.

1:21

Thanks so much for having me! That's by far my favorite intro I've ever received, so I'm so glad.

1:30

I'm just so glad that you're here because we've chatted, and you've got some crazy stories. In the moment, I think everybody on the podcast is slightly reliving a bit of trauma, because these were not easy things at the time. But I love how you flipped the narrative. Instead of slinking away, you said, "No, I'm going to do this on my own terms," and now you help other professionals do the same.

1:55

Let me set the stage for your diary entry: one of the reasons you became your own boss is because some of the bosses you've had haven't been great, right? You were at a nonprofit doing great work, and you had planned to ask for a pay increase. I'll leave it at that and let you take it from here.

2:18

I had been at the organization for maybe a year or a year and a half. Things were going well, and by all accounts, I was performing well. So I booked time with my boss to talk about a promotion.

2:41

In the meantime, we had a meeting together with a corporate donor. We had to go out to their offices, which were near the airport out in the boonies, whereas our offices were downtown. My boss didn't drive, so I drove us in my car. This was back in the day, and we had a little dinky Toyota Echo with manual locks where you literally had to roll down the window with a crank.

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We had the donor meeting, and on the way back, my boss said to me, "Why don't we just talk about our scheduled meeting now? We have this time together in the car." So I wasn't prepared, and I was focused on driving with her in the passenger seat. But because I think all of us are people pleasers, I said, "Of course we can talk about it now. I'm a team player!"

4:07

While we were driving on the highway, I asked her for a raise. Her response was not great—it wasn't an explicit "no," but the feeling was, "Really? Are you asking for this now? Prove to me that you've earned it." She told me to come back with more evidence and suggested I hadn't been there long enough.

5:10

I was totally discombobulated, so I just thought, "Okay, drop her off and go home." By the time I got out of the car and locked my door, I was completely done for the day. My body was trying to protect itself, telling me to just forget about it.

5:42

I live in downtown Toronto with street parking. The next morning, I went out to where I thought I parked, but the car wasn't there. I walked up and down the street looking for it. At that point, we didn't even have key fobs that would beep.

6:20

It turns out I forgot to check if my boss's passenger door was locked when she got out, so I accidentally left the car unlocked overnight. Some high school kids walking down the street checking handles opened the car, took it for a joyride, and stole it. The police eventually found it halfway across town.

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So wait, it was her side that was left unlocked? Now she definitely has to give you the raise, if only to pay for the car!

7:00

We got the car back, but I felt like it was cursed and didn't even want it anymore! I didn't even end up telling my boss about it, because at the end of the day, I was the one who didn't check the lock. We tend to internalize these things and take on the consequences for everyone else.

7:45

I have so many questions! First: did the raise ever happen?

7:52

It did eventually. I got promoted within the organization, though I don't remember the exact timing. But it certainly didn't play out the way I thought it would.

8:07

Was this early in your career?

8:17

Yeah, this was at the second organization I worked for, about four or five years into my nonprofit career.

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Before meeting you in person, I followed your posts on LinkedIn and embodied your spirit, thinking, "What would Cindy do?" because you are so brave in how you speak up and stand up for others. You're a no-nonsense businesswoman! But many of us, especially women early in our careers, tend to take the brunt of things just to keep everyone else happy at the expense of our own health and happiness. When did that shift for you?

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I had a boss I considered my biggest champion—I even called her my "work mom." She would always tell me she was going to give me opportunities, put me in important rooms, and position me for promotions. I really felt like she cared about my growth.

10:08

At the time, I was working full-time with a three-year-old and a six-month-old at home. When I decided to start consulting, I took on a contract for three days a week working remotely that paid me more for those three days than my entire full-time salary at that job.

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When I gave notice, she took it as a personal betrayal. She did not support me at all. At that moment, I realized that even people who seem like your biggest champions can turn on you. I realized I had to put myself first and prioritize my own needs.

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Earlier in my career, I thought looking out for number one was selfish or unsupportive of the team. But I've come to realize that if you don't look out for yourself with a fierce outlook, nobody else will. Prioritizing your own needs isn't selfish—it's what allows you to show up better for everyone else, just like putting on your own oxygen mask first on an airplane.

12:42

100%. One of my favorite sayings is, "You can't pour from an empty cup." When you are healthy and supported, you can show up for others. Hearing how you refused to be defined or scared away by tough experiences is so inspiring, because nonprofit work is hard.

13:34

Thank you so much for being here today! For our listeners, Cindy has so many more incredible stories, so we're sticking around to record a few more that will be featured in a future episode.

For all of you listening, this is your reminder to hydrate and practice self-care. If you'd like to be featured on the podcast, click the link in the description to submit your diary entry. Until next time, Cindy, thank you for being here, and we'll see everyone on the next episode!