“The stress symptom wake up call…”

0:07

Hello everyone. Welcome back to The Nonprofit Diaries, where we share the stories that don't make the newsletter.

0:13

I'm your host, Kimberly Bottom. I am jazzed to have a fellow storyteller on the pod this week. She's spent her career shaping stories and scaling nonprofits, including United Way, Give Nebraska, Big Brothers Big Sisters, and the Lincoln Children's Zoo. She is now the Director of Nonprofit Solutions at Firespring, which is a website provider that helps nonprofits promote their causes and engage their visitors.

0:39

Kirsten and I actually served on a panel last year at Cause Camp. It was about digital trends for nonprofits, and something she said really stuck with me. She said, "We need to stop expecting nonprofits to run like businesses. We are not businesses." That's such an important reminder as nonprofits lean into more technology, AI, and other business motions—that we cannot forget the humanity and the connection with our communities and service users.

1:02

We are lucky to have her share more of that humanity and personal touch with us today. Please welcome my esteemed guest, Kirsten Hill. Hi, Kirsten!

1:14

Hi! Well, hi! Hey, it's so nice to hear somebody say that they actually remember something that I said. Thank you!

1:21

I think about that a lot. I probably spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about just how different it is. It's the same concept: we are organizations, but man, we have so many other things that we get to consider besides just business—besides profit, right?

1:39

Which is exactly right. You've done both—you've worked for nonprofits, and you've worked for for-profit companies. I love that we are trying to lean into more efficiencies that will help us be better organizations, but we're not businesses, and that is an important designation. So when you said that, I was like, "Yep, I'm going to use that one!" We credit you, I promise.

2:02

Oh, no, that's great! Thank you, I appreciate that.

2:05

I'm so excited to have you here today. Thank you for joining. Let me set the stage for your diary entry. This one is going to resonate with a lot of people, myself included. It shines a spotlight on something we all know that we need to do in nonprofit work, but somehow it always takes a backseat: self-care.

2:21

We care so much about our missions, our teams, and our communities that we often neglect ourselves. This happened to you, and it was an eye-opening moment. First, tell us: you stepped into a new role. What were you doing?

2:35

I had come from a role that I had been in for almost 10 years. I had run 10 statewide giving campaigns at Give Nebraska. I was so comfortable and familiar with payroll deduction, helping other organizations, building networks, relationships, and fundraising. But I hit 10 years and thought, "I don't think this is how I want to end my career. I want to do something different."

2:59

I joke with people that when you tell the universe that you want a new challenge, I recommend being more specific, because I got so much more than what I had bargained for! I knew that I was going into an organization that needed some TLC and support, and that some things were going to have to change. But I had no idea.

3:31

It was my first foray into actual direct client service. Everything I had done prior to that was nonprofit work, but focused on fundraising or donation distribution. I had never done direct service. There is a different stress that you carry on yourself and your body when you have tiny humans that you care for. So that was one thing I wasn't expecting.

4:06

I also wasn't expecting the financial situation that I walked into. There were just so many things, and I was on the treadmill—I was just running and doing everything to keep all the balls in the air at the same time. I had to downsize the staff, and all of these other things were happening simultaneously. What ended up happening is that I developed a really horrible eye twitch.

4:39

You told me when we were talking about the story that the body keeps score even when the mind doesn't, right? Your body started keeping score, but you didn't even realize it at first.

4:44

No, I was just running the race and doing the things, without realizing the physical toll it was taking. I joke with people that when I turned 43—which happened to be when I was at that organization—everything on my body decided to quit at the same time. A lot of it was the physical toll that the stress was taking on me, which manifested in an eye twitch that would not stop. It was so crazy!

5:24

When it started twitching and you realized something wasn't right, when was the moment you realized, "Oh, it's the job"?

5:32

Like any good late-stage Gen Xer, I went to crowdsourcing! I went to Facebook, because I'm an open book in life. I posted, "I have this horrible eye twitch that will not go away. Has anybody else had this happen? What do I do?"

5:55

You know who responded? All my nonprofit friends! I'm reading through the comments, and it's like, "Oh yeah, that happened to me," and "Oh yeah, that happened to me." The executive director for a similar organization in Omaha messaged me and said, "Oh my gosh, I had the same thing happen when I had been at the organization almost as long as you have."

6:20

It dawned on me that this was literally my body keeping score. This was a physical manifestation of all the stress and everything else I was carrying, showing up in an eye twitch that would not stop.

6:35

It's funny that when you crowdsourced, your network said, "Yes, this happened to me." I know everybody listening to this podcast is thinking, "Oh yeah, I remember that year." Early in my career, when I was covering a lot of nonprofit events on the road two or three weeks out of the month, I suddenly became unable to eat anything. I wondered why I suddenly developed all these allergies, or why I couldn’t have gluten anymore. Elimination diets and doctor's tests didn't work, until I realized, "Oh, I need to take a break!"

7:13

Did you come to any realization on how to get the eye twitch to stop after that? Short of moving on to another job?

7:22

Short of moving on to another job, unfortunately!

7:25

No, I think a lot of the solution is becoming aware that it's happening, right? I started to look for ways that I could outsource what I could outsource, delegate things to staff members, and ask for help from my board. I tried to find ways where I didn't feel like I was the sole person responsible for the ship sailing or sinking.

8:13

From then on, I've really tried to look at the physical impact of the stress and emotion I'm carrying. It changed the way I approach things, especially how I prioritize recovery. I haven't changed how hard I hit the ground running, but it has changed the forgiveness I give myself in allowing myself to recover.

8:50

If I need to spend a Saturday on the couch watching Netflix, I don't feel guilty about it anymore. My body needs that in order to keep operating at the higher pace that I want to keep. It hasn't changed how I work, but it has changed how I recover.

9:11

That is such a learned skill, especially for nonprofit professionals who are used to muscling through—discipline over motivation. Even when you're really tired, you push. But at some point, it catches up with you. Your body keeps score. For me, it started as a mild stomach upset, and when you ignore it, it gets louder.

9:43

Is there anything you do now when you start to feel those early symptoms coming on to bring yourself back down so the eye twitch doesn't return?

10:02

Part of it is prioritizing recovery and making time for that. The other thing I noticed myself doing—and I think a lot of other nonprofit leaders do it too—is taking on other people's responsibilities on top of our own. I was on a committee at Rotary, helping another friend with their event, and walking in the Pride parade with Leadership Lincoln. It's all these extra things we do to help our friends and support causes we care about.

10:47

About three or four months ago, I stepped back and cut out a bunch of extra commitments. I went to people I love dearly and said, "I'm so sorry, but I have to prioritize myself right now, and I can't make this a priority. It's not that I don't love or support you, but I have to cut something." I told them, "I'm not going away forever, I'm just going away for now." I couldn't believe how freeing that was!

11:14

The other way I reframed it for myself is: if I step back, does it provide an opportunity for someone else to step up?

11:33

Are there other people waiting in the wings who need a push, want something new, or have a lot to offer that they aren't getting the chance to share because I'm taking up that space? When I step back, someone else gets the chance to step up.

11:56

What an amazing reframe! When you feel yourself needing space, look outside of yourself and ask, "Who could I elevate?" It helps you, it helps the organization you're stepping away from, and it gives someone else an opportunity to step up and experience a great leadership role.

12:21

That's why I love the premise around this podcast. Those of us in nonprofits experience these unique situations that only happen in our sector. It's a network where we can use our experiences to support and encourage each other, and it doesn't all have to be so serious.

12:46

Sometimes the healing we need is a collective laugh, cry, or reframe, knowing that we aren't alone. I appreciate you being vulnerable today and sharing your story. If I ever see you at an event with an eye twitch, I'm calling you out on it!

13:21

Please do! Absolutely!

13:22

And same with me—if you see me avoiding food, remind me to eat! We will hold each other accountable moving forward.

13:32

Thank you so much for participating today!

13:46

And for all of you nonprofit professionals out there, this is your reminder to hydrate and practice self-care. Unless you want digestive issues and an eye twitch, you must hydrate and practice self-care! If it helps you to join the community and vent, you can submit your own diary entry using the link in the description. We would love to have you on the podcast. See you next time, everybody! Bye!