"The tears that changed how I help people speak their truth..."

0:07

Hi everyone. Welcome back to The Nonprofit Diaries, where we share the stories that don't make the newsletter.

0:13

I'm your host, Kimberly Bottom. All right, friends, grab your sunnies, because our guest this week brings light and warmth to every room that he is in.

0:21

Now, if you've met him in real life, you will never forget him—I promise you that, because he makes every person feel seen, heard, and valued, myself included.

0:29

I met him at the Nonprofit Storytelling Conference last year and was instantly drawn to his energy and the compassion that he has for humans doing nonprofit work.

0:37

He is the founder of Forahhood, which helps organizations and individuals reclaim and own their unique narratives. He's also the visionary behind the Ascending Leaders in Color program. Both initiatives show his relentless pursuit of racial and gender equity by elevating authentic voices.

0:56

Please, everyone, welcome my dear friend, Frank Velasquez. Frank, thank you for being here.

1:01

Well, thank you! I don't know who that guy is, but he sounds pretty cool!

1:05

Stop it! There's no humility here—you know you're awesome, right? Like, own it. Have the audacity to own that.

1:11

I appreciate that.

1:12

I love that. Well, thank you for being here today. I really am so excited to chat with you because when we were talking about what we were going to chat about, what you told me was just so moving. I think that there's a real lesson here, too. Even though we're not here to teach, teaching is part of it, right? So people can learn through your experiences.

1:28

First and foremost, let's set the stage for the diary entry. You dedicate yourself to helping people elevate their own authentic voice. How exactly do you accomplish that?

1:39

Yeah. So I feel like my calling for 2026 was to do that. So often we talk about ethical interviewing, ethical consent, and ethical storytelling overall, but a contract that I have currently was to help a group of folks with the lived experience of having food insecurity—whether current or in the past—tell their own stories authentically and tell their own stories without harm.

2:06

So I feel like that's been my calling this year. That is like that added angle: for any organization that is using their clients to tell their own stories in front of groups, that's where I would come in and help them shape those stories—tell their stories on their own terms, in their own voice, in their own way, and with their own agency.

2:26

I love that. It is such a powerful thing for people to share their stories, but these stories are not all sunshine and rainbows. There was a darker moment for you during one of these sessions, and it really resonated with you. Tell us about that.

2:40

Yeah. I used to lead an organization several years ago. Part of what we had—67% or somewhere around there of our budget—was government funding. So we often had our clients, who were students in job training programs, tell their stories in front of elected officials or in big venues so that they could share their stories, because we wanted to make sure that the elected officials knew that they were spending their money wisely.

3:13

So we would have these stories. I remember one particular moment—and you mentioned a darker moment; I will be honest, at the time I didn't feel like it was dark, but I knew something was off.

3:24

Anyway, we had our person. I helped her with her story prior to the event. I remember we were in a basketball gymnasium of sorts. It had a lot of fluorescent light, but a big gym, very noisy. They had a stage. We had elected officials in front as well as an audience of other folks that wanted to come to this particular event.

3:43

She tells her story and gets applause. But what I remember most is when she turned around and went immediately into my chest, because I was standing behind her, and just started heave-crying.

4:00

That told me a lot—like, she wasn't ready to tell her story. I honestly do feel that we didn't pressure her, but we gave her financial assistance and case management, and I now know she probably felt an obligation to tell that story.

4:18

That sticks with me. I don't want anybody to have to tell their story where it's still so close, or elements of that story are still so close that they just cry.

4:31

So this project that I told you about at the beginning—we remind our participants in that council who've had the lived experience of food insecurity that they can keep the parts of their stories that are theirs and that are not meant for the public. Maybe in the future they can use that element, but I'm very clear now: no, you do not have to share every one of those dark moments with strangers. Share what you want to share and keep what you need to keep.

5:01

Yeah, because I'm sure they don't even realize it when—like you said—there's definitely no intentional pressure from anybody doing this kind of storytelling work. But it's hard to step into their shoes and say, "Okay, if I were them, with the kindness that you're showing them and the resources you're providing them, there is sort of this unspoken obligation that they want to do really well for you." Sometimes they take advantage of themselves when they do that, because they want to do right by you.

5:30

So I really feel that while there was no ill intention here, the fact that you made that realization must have changed the way that you shape those experiences moving forward.

5:43

Oh, 100%. When I say "we," I mean nonprofits—we can probably let ourselves off the hook by saying, "Well, we didn't intend that." But we shouldn't let ourselves off the hook. I think that's our responsibility: we should be thinking about those elements like chess—three or four moves down the table—and really think about what we're asking.

6:10

I can go in a million different directions with this, but similarly, I had a story where I asked somebody, "Hey, can we use your real name?" And we shouldn't have. Going forward, it's like: you don't put that pressure on somebody else, because what do they know? They're going to say, "Oh yeah, you can use my name," without thinking of the consequences or other things that might come up.

6:30

So yeah, it is our responsibility—even if it's with good intentions, it's our responsibility to make sure that those things don't happen.

6:38

I'm so glad that ethical storytelling is getting a lot of attention in our industry. It's what we do as nonprofits: we have incredible stories to tell, but they're not all sunshine and rainbows. They are usually told through the lens of very hard times for human beings.

6:50

So I'd love to hear, through your experiences: what's a piece of advice, or maybe an audit, that someone could do who is working with people telling their story and sharing those firsthand experiences, so that we really honor those humans?

7:06

Yeah, great question. I really think a lot of it... well, I have a framework. The first piece is really what you believe. Whenever you have somebody who's telling their story, their belief is their foundation, so we need to know what that is. What is that core conviction that brought them to this work?

7:30

The next part is what they've lived. This is where that story gets real—it's not only what you believe, but now you're sharing your actual experience.

7:38

The third component of this framework is: what do they want to change? This is really important, especially if you're working with folks who are telling their stories—let's say you're having a gala event and bringing these people to share their stories—what is that change that you want them to share, or that they want to share?

7:57

But it's that last piece, which I said a second ago—the advice I would give is being very keen on what stays theirs. If pieces of their story do not feel safe for them to share, leave them out. We make it very clear that they control what they say, not anybody else. Their boundary is their power. I think that's probably the most important advice: just be clear on what they want to share and what they need to keep inside.

8:26

Yep. And I think creating the space for that is going to help that person feel very empowered to be comfortable in the way they tell their story, right? Because a lot of times we're moving at the speed of light. Like you said, we're planning a gala and they're part of it, so we can get really lost in the bigger picture to take the 5, 10, or 15 minutes to sit down and go, "I want you to know that this is your story. How do you feel about this? Are you comfortable sharing this, truly? Don't answer right away—take a couple of seconds to think about it and then answer me back."

9:00

Letting them know that their voice is very important to you so they don't feel like, "Oh, I have to be the easiest person to work with because you're being so kind to me." Is that kind of what you've experienced? Like you said, the obligation is not something you intentionally enforce, but it comes out if you don't pause.

9:17

Yes. And to add to that, we know this as storytellers—if you like movies, good songs, or a good book, it's very tempting to tap into every one of those emotions to have an effect on your audience. It's very tempting to do that, but it's our responsibility when working with people who are very close to trauma to know that we don't have to go that way. We can still tell a very strong story without re-traumatization.

9:56

I think the younger Frank, when he was working at that nonprofit, felt like we needed to get that story that got people to move. But when it's done in a manipulative or harmful way, that's not the right way. That's where we have to come to terms with it.

10:15

Especially with the contract I have right now with this group: they're telling powerful stories and they're holding close to what matters to them, meaning they're not sharing every single piece. So to me, in addition to what you said, let's not get tempted into telling the 100% emotional story if we know it's going to harm somebody. We need to make sure that we're responsible.

10:41

Thank you for providing that story, that experience, and the framework—that's super helpful for people moving forward. I really hope that we get to talk to you again as you go down this path and learn more about how ethical storytelling should be shaped moving forward, because I don't think this is a trend that's going away anytime soon; it's something that we all really need to lean into.

11:01

Well, I appreciate the platform and I appreciate you capturing these types of conversations on your podcast, because I think they're important. So thank you.

11:10

They are! Oh, well, I am happy to be here. Are you kidding me? My job is to just tell good stories and connect people—it's a dream! Sign me up every day.

11:19

Thank you for coming, Frank, and thank everybody on the other end for listening. I cannot wait to see you all again for the next Nonprofit Diaries episode coming up. And if you have your own story to tell, please fill out the form linked in the description. We'd love to have you on the podcast.

11:36

Frank, thanks for being here, and we'll see you guys next time!

11:38

Thank you!